Spirit Day 2010--Gay bullying.

Time I did something else with my blog again except write about books. The issue of gay bullying and suicide is of particular interest to me for three reasons. First, growing up in the midst of a very conservative culture, I've heard the things people say about gay people and gay teens. Second, with my background in mental health, I want to see us pursue remedies for these kids, I want to see them get help. Finally, with my background in forensics, I've seen these suicide scenes first hand. I've seen what the families go through, I've seen what the investigators go through. It is all very sad and unnerving.

So what is this all about, and why all the attention being paid to it now? Well, you'd have to be living under a rock to have escaped mention of the recent story involving the gay student from Rutgers who committed suicide after his roommate put a hidden camera in his dorm room and broadcast his private moments on the internet. That coupled with several high profile stories involving teen suicide in general has focused attention on the issue.

Lets cut to the chase here. It's difficult to be a teenager, period. We've all been there, some had it worse than others. Personally, I had it pretty easy. I would get negative reactions once in awhile because my religion was different than that of most of the local population here in Utah, but it was never severe enough to call bullying. However, I did get to feel what it was like to be different than everybody else, and I even had a choice as to what faith to follow.

Presuming most of the folks who read this are straight, I'd like to ask you to put yourself in position of a gay or lesbian teenager these days. Put aside your religious beliefs on whether homosexuality is right, wrong, or whatever. That isn't the point here. For these kids, it's not something they really chose to do. Period. Believe what you want, but a great many of these kids don't feel that way. So how do they cope with the situation. Well, they can go ahead and come out, and risk the ridicule of their peers, which is surely heavy. I'm sure homosexuality is better accepted today than it was when I was a kid, but it's far from generally accepted. In the teenage years driven by hormones, there are definite consequences to coming out, and even the most staunch religious person can see that.

What if they decide not to risk it? So they keep this all pent up inside their heads. Maybe they think something like: "If I can just get through High School, it will get better." Hopefully it will, but these kids that keep this pent up inside them have to deal with it everyday of their lives. Everyday they go out into their social circles and have to deny who they really are. Hopefully, many kids will find someone they can trust to help them out and talk to them. However, what if they do talk, and someone finds out? Can you imagine the chagrin? It's one thing to encourage kids not to be ashamed of who they are, but to put the idea into practice is hard enough when you're an adult, let alone as a teenager.

I don't think it would be real difficult to think why these kids choose the permanent way out.

So what do we do about it? First, we all need to check our "moral compass" at the door sometimes. Yes, in the USA, you have every right to believe that homosexuality is wrong. Many of you do, and you have your reasons. I don't, and I have mine. Again, that's not what this is about though. Yes, you have the right to your belief. However, you don't have the right to treat other people like dirt because of your belief. You don't have the right to be hurtful to other human beings, or allow your kids to be hurtful to others.

We would all be better off if we stopped considering the divisions between us as humans. Like it or not, whether Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Atheist, or whatever...whether we're white, black, or whatever color...whether you're straight, gay, bisexual, transgender...we are all HUMAN BEINGS. We all deserve the right to live our lives and love who we love. We deserve the right to be free from ridicule about who we are. We are all, every single one of us, worthy of love.

Look around next time you're at work or out and about. Look over a large group of people and I pretty much guarantee at least one of them will be gay, and you won't know it. Most likely someone in your church is gay. Someone in your own family might even be gay. Shouldn't we all just be kind to each other?

If you are a Christian, I'd remind you of this: The words of Jesus as recorded in the Bible don't really waste anytime on homosexuality, but he does some up his ministry and law by citing two commandments:

"Love the Lord with all your heart, and the second is like it, Love your neighbor as you love yourself."

Can't we set aside the big list of things the ancient book says you're not supposed to do for a little while and just see each other as worth while human beings in the here and now? There's another thought in that book that people lose sight of. "Judge not, lest you be also judged." If there is a god, face it, he made gay people, so if there's going be someone to sit in judgment, let it be him.

In the meantime, let's try to make this world a better place for everybody.

It will get better.